It’s been a while I did not post anything new though I don’t have many who follows me but still I was missed at least with the feeling of not been able to write.
As the winter’s starts in India so as the wedding season, unlike western countries Indian wedding only happens on the basis of the birth charts and auspicious dates taken out on the basis of the birth chart of the bride and groom. So as always a long list of invitations from the relatives and friends was at my doorstep. As always I knew that I won’t be going 95% of them but there was one which I could not dare to miss. Two really good school friends decided to tie a knot which came to me with much surprise but I was happy for both as they were good friends for long time so practically knows pros and cons about each other.(compatibility issue discarded in this case)
So I was present at the wedding with the old gang (my school friends ofcourse not the MAFIA), ceremony began following the rituals everyone seems to be happy. Seems yes that the word they seem to be happy but are they really happy? With bird’s eye view everyone carry smile on their face but when you put them under the microscope of reality things are way to more different. Our society is such we don’t like to discuss things which bother us in a relationship even between husband and wife. The rosy picture of married life is much more complicated and difficult not just for woman but for man also.
As the groom and bride started the PHERAS (Seven Vows taken while both circle around the holy fire) a thought came in my mind how many of us actually follows these vows are they really vows or just the guideline for compromises…
The seven vows as per Hindu religions are –
The Seven Vows:
You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide welfare and happiness for you and our children.
I am responsible for the home and all household responsibilities.
Together we will protect our house and children.
I will be by your side as your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me solely.
May we grow wealthy and prosperous and strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
I will love you solely for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will be secondary. I vow to remain chaste. –
You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me. May we be blessed with noble and obedient children.
I will shower you with joy, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way I can.
Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, enriching it. God bless you.
I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I live. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honor you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.
May you be filled with joy and peace.
I will always be by your side.
We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for eternity.
As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honor and cherish each other forever.
All I see here are the norms of compromise a woman has to do, she vows to be faithful and be chaste, she has to be there for him no matter what wherein he only vows for her food and basic in simple requirements words. For all the efforts of her being his support system he pledges to earn for house and produce children.
Recalling all the real meaning of these vows made me realize is it really a holy matrimony or an unsigned bond of labor. I am not anti my religion but when our society comes to marriage is such that it does not want to bend. So called being orthodox has ruined many marriages and life of individuals. A research said the percentage of divorce in India has increased and a simple reason behind this Indian women are no longer confined to their household they stepped outside in the world of men. They work to slog themselves but again after returning home no one is ready to serve them hot tea or water but their kitchen waits for them to start their second shift of unpaid work. But to my dismay we keep on working like machines trying to live up to everyone’s expectation.
As the time is changing our society has to change along with the changes in the vows not just for the formalities but as a habit or as upbringing so that we respect our life partners and open to discuss things as a team not as a MASTER OR SLAVE.