Dlastmountain Making LOVE for feelings or just SEX for lust


infidelityimages

“A lot has change ever since we first met”  looking at him while he rest next to her lost in his dream world, suddenly it took her back when he first touched her. It all begun with a “KISS” that “KISS” was not just a kiss it was something beyond pair of lips locking together. The way he held her, the way he melted her in his warm arms giving her shrug as someone being kissed for the first time in their teens.  She still remember every second every minute of that moment , longing after years of deprivation he was first being to reach her “ was it just because of that “ she thought, before she could realize she was flipping the pages of time trying to find out where she stands as now it’s time for closures .

“People change with the time and they always leave “ she was aware of this but somehow she was avoiding the face of reality and the truth that one day he will leave also but now when she can see the changes in him, she knows that time is not far when he will leave too.  Over the period of month, conversation from frequent has become seldom to rare, the day which once started and ended with his voice has now confined to text messages and that too either with late or no reply.  Though he still says “I miss you” but that also sometime sounds being enforced.

This unnamed relation is based on no expectations or say “ NO STRING ATTACHED” theory  from day one which is very much clear among both of them but for her it was just not physical pleasure rather it’s the feeling of being “COMPLETE” which ties her in a very strange bond with him . The fear of losing him has made her deny the fact she has feelings for him, not just in front of him but also within her. “FEELINGS“, damn these feelings” she muttered, these feelings were not defined to her, has she fallen for him ? No, all she knows she likes him, love to be in his company and with time she has grown fond of him, it has been difficult for her to pretend she is “ ALL OK” when deep down inside she knows what he says may be not true, but in the end the temptation of spending few hours with him makes her ignore everything. “LIVE IN THE MOMENT “that’s what she has been trying to follow every minute, every second every hour against her nature.

“I am nothing in front of him, I look horrible but he still takes pain for me so what if its few hours in a month”, she thought while moving her fingers in his hair watching him sleeping like a little bird brought a faint smile on her face which faded in few seconds turning into tears rolling from her eyes. “If he wants me to step back why does no he say so” she thought. She remembered him saying “it will never be lust”, was it just for time being? Does it happen everywhere with everyone? Does making love become only sex after certain period of time? If that’s the case why she still gets goose bumps when he kisses her or the flow of strange energy throughout her body when they become one?

The snuggling and fondling around seems to be lessening then before but, though everything seems to be same but still something is missing. He no longer held her in his arms after making love, he no longer kisses her forehead, and no more searching her while he is sleeping or hugging her saying “she is a teddy”. The moment the list of things missing started piling she realized these are not just few things but these are those things which made her come close to him, those love names, those leg pulling and those short calls even when he is surrounded by people saying he just wanted to hear her voice made her feel like she still exist in the world of society ruled beings.

“So it’s coming to a point where nothing would be left to give ” she whispered while looking at him with eyes filled with pain of fear and sorrow. She never realized until today how LUST took over the PASSION, how MAKING LOVE become SEX or NEED. “For him I am maybe just a stopover before he reaches his destination” she mocked her over such thought. “He has been giving me signs it’s just I was ignoring them but now time to face the music.” She said to herself. “

Lost her in her own web of thoughts she almost forget about him, he was awake now over the phone texting someone usually she would turn her face away when he is busy with such things but something caught her eyes. “MISSING YOU” he wrote or someone wrote to him and the reply was” ME TOO”. At first she was furious and which is obvious but then she thought it was suppose to be like this somewhere she knew it. She turned her face away as if it does not matter but it does and it did, when she is with him, she is only with him. Being monogamous is what she followed and still following but may be it’s not the case with him. She turned towards him again he is still lost and engrossed with his phone, still chatting but this time with his brother. Being curious she decided to have a look, seeing the conversation she started regretting the decision. Her world crashed, she felt like slapping not him but her, the rosy picture became all shabby. “All men are of same bone” she thought and got up and went in different room saying nothing to him.

One get attached when being physically active and satisfied with someone and when it comes to being indifferent about it, can be painful for few as one has to master the art of “DETACHMENT”, yes the art of detachment which can be best practice by becoming a silent or Invisible spectator she recalled reading it somewhere. He is seeing someone or doing things with someone, somehow that does not bother her much (but it does a little) what bother her is the LIES said to shade it. The feeling of getting MOCKED among strangers bothers her, feeling of being portrayed as a BITCH bothers her and above all finding about the truth not from him but accidentally incarnates the fear of hating herself all the more.

She was not able to handle this anymore, the restlessness was reaching on its peak, “That’s it no more sabotaging me on one part of story and if there is no other part it has to end right away” saying this to her she moved to reach him but then she stopped, she is probably over thinking about it or may be over reacting, maybe she is right on some part but is it being physical is what brings them together or there is something more. There were many instances when he cleared her head, tried to give her right direction when she seems to be lost, they are good friends before anything else. Does it do justice to their friendship if she runs the axe of situations on it? The answer was “NO”. In the eyes of other and him, maybe she is the dumbest person who still wants to be with him as much she can after knowing the truth but for her his mere existence during the time when she needed a support was a huge thing which she will never forget.

It would take her time to accept the changes but change is constant and inevitable so rather denying it one has to change as per it. There is a very thin line between Making LOVE for feelings and just SEX for lust or need which can never be defined easily… Something which has to change will change one cannot stop it but yes what one can do is to become neutral and prepared for a bitter end cause life is not like a fairytale with a happy ending. Reality is much more bitter and hard to swallow, she has seen the worst and probably its one of those learning stones she needs to flip and clear the path for being better her. The day she will be above all these vicious cycle, the day she will be able to be” HER” only probably would be  the THE LAST MOUNTAIN SHE HAS TO CLIMB…..

FEW PICTURES ARE WORTH MORE THEN 1000 WORDS…


couple-embracePhoto courtesy of Cheri Lucas.

Time has passed but I remained the same,

Seasons changed but my heart remained the same,

Forgetting those moments has become difficult

Few things fade as you merge in the cult

It was a regular spring morning everyone left but me as every year during this time I keep myself busy with cleaning the junk out of my house. After almost sweeping the house clean  I came across a box in my attic, a box full of old memories and unforgettable moments, memories which were still alive in my heart no matter how much I try to forget they won’t fade I guess few things fades as you fade from this earthy world.  With that box in my hands time just stopped as it did on that day…..

Later that day while sitting at my favorite place on terrace, looking at the sunset with soft breeze flowing with sweet fragrances of spring flowers took me back in time. Those moments captured in my heart, that time I want to relive again and again no matter what, where I am and how I am. A fairytale with  not a happy ending but still every single second worth reliving.  Looking at the picture I thought again how fast time flies it seems it was just yesterday when I had him in my arms.

He was my shoulder to lean on when I needed one and I was his smile when he craved for one. We were best friends, we were those unspoken lovers who knew the best relation is such where you love each other but yet remain good friends. There were moments our eyes stuck with each other, looking for a reason to hug each other or hold hands or find any stupid reason to see each other.

This was the last day before we decided to move on and follow the path life has chosen for us, tears were not allowed, we wanted it to be the best day of our life having each other by our side. A long trek by the mountain, breakfast at our favorite joint and then a long ride on a bike till countryside, a small picnic by the river side. We sat for hours holding hands talking about things cracking jokes on each other knowing that these are the few last hour together and will never come back.

As wind touched my face again it reminded me while ridding back as I placed my head on his shoulder I was filled with question such as how would I be able to come out of the downfall , where would I get the shoulder to lean on and who will make me see the sunshine after the stormy night. As planned we reached the same alley, the same road, the same stair where it all begun, where we first met but this time it was for the last time. Time has come to say our goodbyes, time to let go each other and time to survive without each other.

We stood there for a few minutes holding hands looking into each other eyes saying nothing but saying lot of things, a part of us just don’t want to move on a part of us just want the time to freeze and then something happened which never happened before,something which  both of us stopped each other to do so many times but that day we could not and we kissed, it was a perfect kiss. Then came those words, those unspoken words simultaneously “I Love You”. It was always there we knew we love each other we knew we will always love each other but we never said till that day.

We stood there in each other arms forgetting about the world, about the people around us we just stood there don’t even remember for how long till someone walked up to us and handed over this picture saying “I am sorry but could not help capturing a untold story, hope this will be with you forever” and it did not just because of the picture but for many other reasons.

Forgetting those moments has become difficult

Few things fade as you merge in the cult

Posted in response to this week’s writing challenge:

http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/01/28/writing-challenge-1000-words/

Wedding “The Vows to follow or compromises to live… “


English: Hindu bride and groom by a holy fire ...

Sita & David's Wedding - Hindu Ceremony

– Hindu Ceremony

It’s been a while I did not post anything new though I don’t have many who follows me but still I was missed at least with the feeling of not been able to write.

As the winter’s starts in India so as the wedding season, unlike western countries Indian wedding only happens on the basis of the birth charts and auspicious dates taken out on the basis of the birth chart of the bride and groom. So as always a long list of invitations from the relatives and friends was at my doorstep. As always I knew that I won’t be going 95% of them but there was one which I could not dare to miss. Two really good school friends decided to tie a knot which came to me with much surprise but I was happy for both  as they were good friends for long time so practically knows pros and cons about each other.(compatibility issue discarded in this case)

So I was present at the wedding with the old gang (my school friends ofcourse not the MAFIA), ceremony began following the rituals everyone seems to be happy. Seems yes that the word they seem to be happy but are they really happy?  With bird’s eye view everyone carry smile on their face but when you put them under the microscope of reality things are way to more different. Our society is such we don’t like to discuss things which bother us in a relationship even between husband and wife. The rosy picture of married life is much more complicated and difficult not just for woman but for man also.

As the groom and bride started the PHERAS (Seven Vows taken while both circle around the holy fire) a thought came in my mind how many of us actually follows these vows are they really vows or just the guideline for compromises…

The seven vows as per Hindu religions are –

The Seven Vows:

1. Groom:
You will offer me food and be helpful in every way. I will cherish you and provide welfare and happiness for you and our children.
Bride:
I am responsible for the home and all household responsibilities.

Groom:
Together we will protect our house and children.
Bride:
I will be by your side as your courage and strength. I will rejoice in your happiness. In return, you will love me solely.

Groom:
May we grow wealthy and prosperous and strive for the education of our children. May our children live long.
Bride:
I will love you solely for the rest of my life, as you are my husband. Every other man in my life will be secondary. I vow to remain chaste. –

Groom:
You have brought sacredness into my life, and have completed me. May we be blessed with noble and obedient children.
Bride:
I will shower you with joy, from head to toe. I will strive to please you in every way I can.

Groom: You are my best friend, and staunchest well-wisher. You have come into my life, enriching it. God bless you.
Bride:
I promise to love and cherish you for as long as I live. Your happiness is my happiness, and your sorrow is my sorrow. I will trust and honor you, and will strive to fulfill all your wishes.

Groom:
May you be filled with joy and peace.
Bride:
I will always be by your side.

Groom:
We are now husband and wife, and are one. You are mine and I am yours for eternity.
Bride:
As God is witness, I am now your wife. We will love, honor and cherish each other forever.

All I see here are the norms of compromise a woman has to do, she vows to be faithful and be chaste, she has to be there for him no matter what wherein he only vows for her food and basic  in simple requirements words. For all the efforts of her being his support system he pledges to earn for house and produce children.

Recalling all the real meaning of these vows made me realize is it really a holy matrimony or an unsigned bond of labor. I am not anti my religion but when our society comes to marriage is such that it does not want to bend. So called being orthodox has ruined many marriages and life of individuals. A research said the percentage of divorce in India has increased and a simple reason behind this Indian women are no longer confined to their household they stepped outside in the world of men. They work to slog themselves but again after returning home no one is ready to serve them hot tea or water but their kitchen waits for them to start their second shift of unpaid work.  But to my dismay we keep on working like machines trying to live up to everyone’s expectation.

As the time is changing our society has to change along with the changes in the vows not just for the formalities but as a habit or as upbringing so that we respect our life partners and open to discuss things as a team not as a MASTER OR SLAVE.

Moving on is the best


Moving Forward

Moving Forward (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It doesn’t matter how many new people come into your life when you’re looking for that someone special, someone who’s going to be your only focus. If there’s any doubt of them not being your someone special, your only focus, then don’t go creating future problems and do the right thing when it’s evident they’re not your someone special by being considerate and mature enough to call it and say goodbye instead of leading someone on with false hopes. As hard as it may be it’s the right and only thing to do to avoid future sorrows

I for U

Aside


Goodbye

Goodbye (Photo credit: Feggy Art)

You saw me being dumb, but i did to make u laugh
You saw me being stupid, but i did to make u look smart
You saw me crying, but i did so that you can hug me
You saw me being careless, but i did so that u can be responsible
You saw me ignoring, but i did so that i can get your attention
I wish just wish you could have understood me how incomplete i feel without you……

Heart…O heart insane!!!


Romantic Heart form Love Seeds

Romantic Heart form Love Seeds (Photo credit: epSos.de)

Heart…O heart insane!!!
So many times I’ve made you understand
Yet you strive…strive to love

Give up once again…do not hold
Move ahead…let there be secrets untold
Be left as hurt be torn
For so was it meant behold

O you learn to live without a price

If all that meant was sacrifice
Do it once again..do it with a smile
For such is living for a while

Do not cry for you’ve loved
Heart O my heart insane!!!

Friends


Friends

Friends (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Flickr friends

Flickr friends (Photo credit: Meer)

Sitting Idol is the time I think of you
looking back how it all started without any clue

Accidentally became acquaintance as you were seeking someone else
Mere took three days for us to be out of our shell

Was it coincident or destiny cant figure out
All i know its distinct and different in whole about

Never felt strange or uncomfortable around you
People might judge it but i m thinking its true

I found a Friend in you a friend who makes me smile
Makes me keep trying makes me feel all right

Love Kills once you kill it


In Love and Death

In Love and Death (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Love does not live here anymore, I murdered it and now I’m serving my life sentence in the cage of hatred